Patrick: Are you sure you don’t want any help with that? S6:E1 | Timestamp 0:18 Alexis: I fit my high school best friend into a suitcase way smaller than this when we were crossing the border between Laos and Vietnam, so I’m pretty sure I can figure this out. S6:E1 Read more…
Johnny: Oh, look at David. Smart enough to get that joke, but not smart enough to stop wearing sweaters in the middle of summer. S5:E12 “The Roast | “Timestamp: 20:41 Alexis: Burn, David! S5:E12 “The Roast | “Timestamp: 20:48 David: Okay, here’s why that joke didn’t work. S5:E12 “The Roast Read more…
Twyla: This is so exciting! I’ve never been in a musical before. Although I did have a cousin who was in Riverdance until she got trampled. S5:E9 “The M.V.P.” | Timestamp: 3:31 Alexis: Yeah, um, I was one of the original Pussycat Dolls, but it only lasted like, two weeks Read more…
Alexis: Okay, my turn. [clears throat] Hmm, never have I ever pretended to be a pizza delivery person so I could get into Jared Leto‘s Halloween party. S5:E5 “Housewarming” | Timestamp: 8:49 David: You’re a bitch. S5:E5 “Housewarming” | Timestamp: 9:00 Twyla: My mom was engaged to two pizza deliver Read more…
Alexis: Look at you all dressed up, Mr. Sporty Spice. S5:E2 “Love Letters” | Timestamp: 5:36 Ted: Uh, yeah, I’m dressed for the run that we’re supposed to be going on, but I don’t think you can run in those. S5:E2 “Love Letters” | Timestamp: 5:39 Alexis: Tell that to Read more…
Alexis: What have we here? S4:E13 “Merry Christmas, Johnny Rose” | Timestamp: 5:47 Ted: Ah, it’s just a bit of a tradition at Christmas parties that I have with my friends. See, we do a cookie competition, and then the winner gets to take home all the leftovers to their Read more…
Miguel: Um, how did you get so good at this? S4:E8 “The Jazzaguy” | Timestamp 13:55 Alexis: Hm, you learn pretty quickly when you’re in an Ugandan diamond smuggler’s villa playing for your friend’s freedom. S4:E8 “The Jazzaguy” | Timestamp 13:58 Miguel: Right, right. Wait, what? S4:E8 “The Jazzaguy” | Read more…
Alexis: It reminds me of when I was in Bangkok. There was this amazing little Resto-Lounge that specialized in Tahitian food, and scalp massages. S3:E11 “Stop Saying Lice!” | Timestamp: 14:01 Ted: I’m not sure what’s more disgusting, what I’m doing right now, or the concept for that restaurant. S3:E11 Read more…
Alexis: My friends used to call me Marie, and that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was a whole like, is she gonna be a princess thing, um but it’s also because we were going through this very dark phase where we were just like, Read more…
Alexis: How was your tester guy, was he a monster? S3:E4 “Driving Test” | Timestamp: 16:11 David: He was fine. Slightly distracted. Transitioning to a career as a DJ, but apparently none of the venues around here could handle his sound… S3:E4 “Driving Test” | Timestamp: 16:13 Alexis: See? I Read more…
Alexis: I don’t know why you didn’t ask me first, David. I have my license in seven different countries, and I have my “F” Class. S3:E4 “Driving Test” | Timestamp: 3:54 David: Isn’t that for transport trucks? S3:E4 “Driving Test” | Timestamp: 4:00 Alexis: Yes, well, I had a lot Read more…
Alexis: I know we just met, but if Prince Harry trusted me with his life, then I think you can too. S2:E12 “Lawn Signs” | Timestamp: 10:00 Wendy: Well, I do feel better having a lawyer in the room. S2:E12 “Lawn Signs” | Timestamp: 10:05 Alexis: [gasps] Oh, my God, Read more…
Alexis: Okay, I just really think you should stay out of it, David. You’re not good under pressure. S02:E12 “Lawn Signs” | Timestamp: 8:52 David: And you are? S02:E12 “Lawn Signs” | Timestamp: 8:55 Alexis: Um, I’m sorry, were you picked up by the South Korean Secret Police on New Read more…
Alexis: Okay, so if there’s one thing I learned, is that when it comes to love, you cannot let the little things get in your way. Like I once dated this Sultan’s nephew who was forbidden to talk to me or even to look at me, and we made it Read more…
David: So, are you nervous? This is like the first job you’ve ever had. S2:E10 “Ronnie’s Party” | Timestamp: 1:48 Alexis: No, it isn’t. S2:E10 “Ronnie’s Party” | Timestamp: 1:52 David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn’t what I would call having a job. S2:E10 Read more…
Alexis: It’s just a check point, okay? I’ve been through tons of these in Johannesburg, um it’s like a drive-through except everybody has a gun. S2:E8 “Milk Money” | Timestamp: 14:48 Johnny: When were you in Johannesburg? S2:E8 “Milk Money” | Timestamp: 14:54 Alexis: I don’t know, I remember I Read more…
Alexis: Oh, and in case you wake up in a chair with your hands duct taped together, you can snap the duct tape by just raising your hands over your head, and then bringing them down really hard. S2:E7 “The Candidate” | Timestamp: 15:48 David: Thanks. Um, see you there? Read more…
Alexis: Anyway, I have lots of skills that you don’t have. S2:E4 “Estate Sale” | Timestamp: 9:33 Mutt: I am sure that you do S2:E4 “Estate Sale” | Timestamp: 9:37 Alexis: Like, have you ever had to negotiate in Arabic? It is very difficult. S2:E4 “Estate Sale” | Timestamp: 9:38 Read more…
David: Okay, nobody freaked out when Alexis went missing. S2:E1 “Finding David” | Timestamp: 15:43 Alexis: I didn’t go missing, David. The FBI knew where I was the entire time. S2:E1 “Finding David” | Timestamp: 15:46
Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen’s yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts? S2:E1 “Finding David” | Timestamp: 11:32 Moria: Read more…
Alexis: So, this is weird. Um, today marks the longest relationship that I’ve ever voluntarily had with someone. S1:E11 “Little Sister” | Timestamp: 7:14 Mutt: Voluntarily? S1:E11 “Little Sister” | Timestamp: 7:20 Alexis: Yeah. The actual longest relationship was um…a three month affair with a Saudi prince. But for the Read more…
Alexis: “Okay, my turn. My turn, my turn. Um… Okay. My eyes are brown. I am basically sample-size, and one time I escaped from a Thai drug lord’s car trunk, by bribing him with sex. “ S1:E4 “Bad Parents” | Timestamp: 10:17 Johnny: “Right idea, honey, but you know what?” Read more…